I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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