Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
