Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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