shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
