I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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