I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
