I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
