I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
