I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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