What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
