Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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