i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
