Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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