Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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