Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
