Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
