i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
