woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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