I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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