a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
