help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
