I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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