I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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