You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
