I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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