8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
