If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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