You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
