Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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