I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
