walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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