making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
