Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i've created a new STD.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
