can u get pink eye on your cock?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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