this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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