If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You have to summon your inner elephant
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
