i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so explain again why im purple
no
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
