she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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