Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
