I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My bed smells like the plague
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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