He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
