Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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