I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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