Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
