I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
