I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
