Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
