How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
