i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
