called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
