her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
