My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
