remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
