Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
