Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
