chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
