happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
