btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
