Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
