The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
