Everything about him screamed your future.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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