Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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