I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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