Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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