So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
