What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I take back everything I said about communal showers
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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