Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize