so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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