I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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