Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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