My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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