he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dick very happy bro
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
