I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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