her vagine was all disorganized.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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