Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
