this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
