Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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