I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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