I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
