I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
