why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
