Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
