I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
