based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
