I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
