You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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