I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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