Slut skills are useful in every country.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So much rum. So many feels.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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