i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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