someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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