the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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